he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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