just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
