I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
