NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
