You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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