Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
