in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
