I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize