Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
