I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
it hurts more in the daytime
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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