I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
