Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
