I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
