Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
