apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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