I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Send help, water and tortillas.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize