bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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