so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I believe in your delicious
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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