Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
