I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
