it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
