we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
