Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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