just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
