If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize