The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
be right there i have to get my cape
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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