you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
