I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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