I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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