Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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