you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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