Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize