He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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