Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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