i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
