eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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