mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
