I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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