she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
COCAINE IS GR8
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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