Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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