This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
