Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
