I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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