This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
