When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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