Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
