I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
