call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
