Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
