You work out of a Hotel?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
