i just google imaged poop.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
