Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize