it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
