I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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