I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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