I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
