doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
pop tarts are not kleenex
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
