she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
