5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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