i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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