your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
someone threw a dead crab at me
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
