she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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