D3 body, D1 cock
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
