Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
