The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
