we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
