I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
