I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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