well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
