Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
