Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
