Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
