If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
