Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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