Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Pooping to opera.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
