yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
