i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wish you could order shots online.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
