I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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