Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
